Brushing

Aug. 14th, 2025 04:48 pm
[personal profile] cosmolinguist

One of the best people I've found on fedi is Dan ifixcoinops@retro.social -- along with his classics about Home Assistant, the dick mousetrap, and how clothes shopping should work, he's just added another that I think will become part of my idiolect:

Y'know when you're doing this big multi-step DIY project that involves doing many things and getting parts and tools and materials and you're holding all this stuff in your head and you notice how much of a big noisy scrungly mess it is up there, all the thoughts and worries and tasks overlapping each other like spaghetti all going in different directions, and you grumble "This is ridiculous, a guy can't get anything done with all that yammering going on," so you start up the computer and the text editor and write out what's going on up there, not because you don't know what's going on but just because thoughts go wibblywoobly like gummy worms and writing goes left to right in a straight line and to turn your oh-I-need-to-do-this-and-that thinkings into a ah-I-need-to-do-this-THEN-that shaped Plan you need to untangle the spaghetti and make it go in the long straight writing-shaped hole

Do you ever think of that like brushing your brain

Like oh no my brain's all tangled I've gotta spend a few minutes giving it a nice brush and make it purr

My brain is all tangled. So much so that I haven't even been able to say it lately.

Unpickled pickles

Aug. 11th, 2025 11:06 pm
[personal profile] cosmolinguist

Everything is so much.

I did get my hair cut between work and circuits today (missing a call from my boss by skiving a little bit early, oops).

And circuits was good, the last week our usual trainer is doing it! They have to reassure us that they'll still be around, they're still doing lift club, but they need their Monday evenings back. They're self-employed and they work long odd hours, and they have a kid and everything. Fair enough but I'll miss them! We've already had their replacement a couple times and it helps to know I like them too but still.

We always have music playing on a big speaker during circuits, and they asked everyone to pick a song to play tonight. I chose Calvin Harris's "Summer" because I'd already had to listen to some metal nonsense and an actual ballad (who wants breathy singer-songwriter types in the gym??) and I needed some dance music. I did my burpees so much faster when "Sandstorm" was playing!

Biggest achievement of today was getting the report draft to the copyeditor on time. Second biggest is making sure my best binder has been washed and has a chance to dry before I need to wear it tomorrow afternoon (and Wednesday). Third biggest achievement is finally, only after I got back from circuits, starting to think about what my keynote speech on Wednesday will entail.

Priorities!

I've got a few slides and everything. Our pal V gave me a lift home from circuits and when I told him I had no idea what my talk was going to be about and maybe should be worried that I'm not more worried, he said "I think I'm more worried for you now!" Oh no. He really did seem it too, bless him. I should text him tomorrow and tell him that it's fine.

The best thing that happened today is something I mostly sorted out a couple of days ago: some friends having a shitty time and dreading the UK heatwave said they'd benefit from getting some groceries delivered. One of them was able to give an idea of what kind of food would work and V told them I'm a genius at sorting out groceries online so no pressure. I took the suggestions and what I know of them and what kinds of things were on offer. The first message we got this afternoon was "It's arrived! Just put it in bags and taking a breather. From first impressions: you know us very well :D" Aw. I'm just glad it's stuff they can eat.

The next message was one of them describing the other's reaction to seeing baby cucumbers (which I'd chosen as easier to eat than having to slice up one big cucumber): "oh they're unpickled pickles!" I've been smiling at that ever since.

Dog show

Aug. 10th, 2025 09:28 pm
[personal profile] cosmolinguist

After we got back from the dog show and picking V up from a social visit, I tried to get my hair cut but they were already closed; turns out they've changed their Sunday hours. Which is fine, but argh. I could really do with a haircut, and I like them before big work events like I have on Wednesday. Which I leave for Tuesday afternoon, which means dealing with this on Monday. When I have circuits after work, and it's just annoying trying to fit everything in.

After 5pm I couldn't go to the gym, I couldn't get my hair cut. So much still goes un-done.

And it's not as if I mis-spent any of my day: I slept until 11 and I think if I could do that every day it would fix me. And in the afternoon D and I went to the dog show that is my favorite part of our local pride. The chonky shiba Oscar! The boopable chocolate-brown Bruno! The best-dressed Artie in Hawaiian shirt and straw hat! The elderly lady Poppy with her cute neon pink and orange legwarmers! A family let me sit on their bench with them so I didn't have to stand. The sun was perfect, the weather was perfect, the beer was cold.

D's idea of a successful weekend is to feel on Sunday night like Friday was a long time ago. And it definitely does. But I still want more weekend.

Queer is fun!

Aug. 9th, 2025 10:51 pm
[personal profile] cosmolinguist

The local pride has the best parade. They don't (can't!) close the arterial road we'd march down but we do get half of it. So we stay on the left side and oncoming traffic is on the right.

Pretty soon I noticed the chants whenever a bus was coming toward us. The most frequent bus on that road is the 192. So I heard (and soon happily joined in, enough that I nearly lost my voice by the end of a pretty short parade): "One nine two! Gay for you! One nine two! Gay for you!" Just nonsense, but it was fun. And we kept it up as long as it took for the bus to get past us.

Halfway through, we encountered a rail replacement bus, a common sight while Stockport station is closed. And pretty soon I heard (and yelled "Replacement bus! Gay for us! Replacement bus! Gay for us!"

At the end, we added a "One fifty! Gay for me!" and "One seven one! Queer is fun!"

Some of the bus drivers waved at us, some just stoically went about their job. But apparently everyone on the 171 was looking grumpy. I'm sad to see a bus I used to get to and from work being so unsupportive!

Poltergary

Aug. 8th, 2025 12:16 pm
[personal profile] cosmolinguist

When V was making breakfast and I was wandering around the kitchen checking what groceries we needed, they told me "Well, the spirit of Gary is causing mischief." They pointed out that the sheepskin they use on their dining room chair was on the floor.

They initially bought themselves one but the first time Gary encountered it he claimed it, and they couldn't bear to take it back so just bought another one.

He ended up with three over time.

We got rid of (most of) his along with his other things, but V does still have theirs of course, on that chair.

It probably fell on the floor when I was putting the chairs back after they'd been on top of the table so the dining room could be cleaned yesterday. But regardless, Gary is such a big presence still.

I miss him so much. I think about him every day.

[personal profile] cosmolinguist

Yesterday I had a nauseating headache all day. It kept me from getting anything done at work which was rough when this latest project is bearing down on me, deadlines looming. I knew it'd put me under more pressure today (which it did). I wanted to go lift weights after work. I realized I need a haircut but I didn't go do that. I was stressed about still not having booked my travel and accommodation for this conference I'm keynote-speaking at next week. I hadn't started the keynote speech of course (and should I be worried that I'm not more worried about that?).

There's just too many things I need to fit in to not-enough days this week. And the only one I managed yesterday was booking a hotel and train tickets (and finding out that an online pal who lives nearby will not even be around that day to get dinner with, boo!). Which is a pretty big deal because I find that so stressful, but it's so little for a whole day.

Today I did okay with the work project and have a little more time than I thought -- end of tomorrow instead of midday today makes a big difference. And I did go to the gym -- [personal profile] angelofthenorth was going swimming this evening so I did too. It was okay at first but people dicking around in the one lane that there was for swimming laps meant I had enough collisions and disruption that my lizard brain noped out before my body would have.

Cardio is so difficult -- not the activity itself, but everything else. It's much more anxiety-inducing to go swimming or cycling on my own, it's not always easy to line schedules up with other people's... (indeed today I almost regretted when helping D do garden chores at his girlfriend's house took longer than expected). There are Reasons that I have avoided it in recent years...

Henchmen

Aug. 6th, 2025 10:24 pm
[personal profile] cosmolinguist

Looking out at the backyard, V said "Those lilac branches will need to be cut back some time." They added, "I may have to get one of you henchmen to do it."

And then "I'm just gonna call you two my henchmen now."

I looked over at D on the other end of the couch and said "That's a pretty nice name for us, coming from them!"

They continued: "When people ask me what our relationship is, I'm just gonna say 'They're my henchmen. What, you don't have any?' "

" 'Skill issue'," I said. They laughed.

One thing after another

Aug. 5th, 2025 10:26 pm
[personal profile] cosmolinguist

Woke up this morning, did the usual chores and made tea, went with D to his dental hospital appointment, waited around a lot, came home long enough to eat lunch, went back (thankfully much less waiting this time!), actually tried to do a couple of hours' work, had counseling after that, made dinner after that (what if I made our usual carbonara but with broccoli and shallots added in because they needed using up? it was received well), actually made myself go swimming after all that (with the help of D giving me a lift; I just could not face getting myself there by any means), I walked home afterwards and now I'm exhausted and going to bed.

Very Sunday afternoon

Aug. 3rd, 2025 05:15 pm
[personal profile] cosmolinguist

D wanted to do some car repair today, so I was his glamorous assistant (fetching things, holding things, emotional support).

And the whole time I was outside it was like a stereotype of why living in a city is good: the lady across the road ran over with an empty clean plastic box that we'd given her some food in, we saw the guy next door with his toddler ("you might have noticed, every few hours he needs to go outside..." apparently he really likes the buddleia in front of our house), a stranger even stopped to ask me for directions.

It was really nice.

Making trans boring

Aug. 2nd, 2025 06:25 pm
[personal profile] cosmolinguist

Trans Pride Manchester today.

I took photos of signs saying:

  • "Pride was a riot started by us" (held by a dark-skinned person
  • "New chair, new arse, same shit!" (with both "EHRC" and "TERF" on it and crossed out)
  • "I bite TERFs" (on a blåhaj)
  • "Corgis for trans rights" (accompanied by two adorable corgis)
  • "Making trans boring since 1983" (held by a trans man)

I didn't manage to get photos of the signs that said:

  • "You made toilets weird, not us"
  • "Tough year, tougher community"
  • "I went to Athens and all I got was this stupid top surgery"

I particularly love the concept of making trans boring -- it can be complicated because trans men/mascs are invisibilized as the flipside of trans women/fems hypervisibility and I don't think it's inherently better to pass as cis or fit in, but also there's a screenshot of a tumblr post that goes around every so often with a photo of a few standard white guys in t-shirts and jeans, completely unremarkable hair and stuff, walking with an "FTM" banner (it might have more words on it too, presumably whatever group they actually were, but this is what I remember of it), and some commentary about how great it is that they just look like Some Guys.

D's sign, tailored to be dual-purpose since we planned to do the trans march and then go counter-protest a UKIP demo in town, ended up giving us cause to illustrate an entirely different way to make trans boring. By the time we got to Piccadilly Gardens, the fash had marched off. So we went for a drink with a friend. But on our way back through there on our way to the bus home, D spotted that a couple of fash had returned. His placard suddenly had a few white guys swarming around us, phones already held up as if videoing, asking him to be "interviewed" for their "citizen journalism."

Their attempts to shock him with language about "men cutting their dicks off" didn't work even after repeated applications, and when asked loaded questions he blandly responded "Well, I don't think that's happening" and then said sensible stuff like "I think kids should learn about all the kinds of humans that there are." His standing-for-political-office skills might be dormant these days but they were undiminished! Another guy -- absolutely stereotypical British racist, down to the bad teeth -- accosted me with "if trans people end up coming out anyway, kids don't need to hear about it in school," an extremely straightforward stance for me to bat away like a fly.

Very quickly they realized that they weren't going to catch D saying anything damning or even interesting for their YouTube channels or whatever, and lost interest, and we strolled away.

This, too, is an advantage of making trans boring.

[personal profile] cosmolinguist

One of the things we ask of baseball is, not to dissociate us from the real world or spare us from it, but to give us a break from the otherwise unrelenting awareness of the gap between how the world is and how we want it to be.

Baseball is never worse, though, than when it's shoving that gap right into our faces, making it even more stark and obvious and excruciating than it is while we navigate the rest of our day. Right now, Twins baseball is baseball at its very worst.

So begins what is possibly my favorite piece of baseball writing of 2024.

It's tempting to say that right now is even worse. But really it's not a competition: yesterday was a continuation of last summer which was a continuation of 2023's decision to cut the money spent on players at the single point in the last 20+ years that it was most justifiable to increase it significantly. Which arguably is just a continuation of Minnesota only having a baseball team because a billionaire was racist -- the team used to be owned by a guy who literally said "I'll tell you why we came to Minnesota. It was when I found out you only had 15,000 Blacks here." There is no ethical consumption under MLB.

But the specific family of billionaires that owns the Twins has intruded as unwelcomely as all billionaires into my life in the last three years or so. When they got Carlos Correa I was excited for what it implied: received wisdom my whole life had been that

the Twins don't spend big money on big contracts -- especially long contracts, and that's what Correa wanted.

From the moment the Twins signed him in 2022, it was understood that he'd opt out at the end of the season and be off to the kind of big free-agent contract that an elite shortshop deserves.

Twins fans could dream, but those of us who've been around a while know better. The Twins had never signed a big free agent.

It was expected that the Twins would work hard on a deal and scrape together all their pennies and make...the second- or third-place offer compared to whatever Correa eventually took. What the Twins front office would be proud of or anxious about, a record-breaking offer for them, was going to fall far short. They know their place and it's not in the top tier.

It's still nowhere near the top tier of course. Having Correa is no guarantee of success -- after all, the Twins didn't make the playoffs with him in 2022 -- but the stability that both Correa has and that the team has to build around can't hurt.

But most of all, I just really hope that the narrative around the Twins can change now. It can certainly never be said again that they don't sign big free agents.

And they did get to the playoffs that year; even finally winning a playoff game and eventually a playoff series, before the bottom dropped out in Target Field against the hated Astros.

In the offseason of 2023 I read a Joe Sheehan piece that explains the centrality of billionaires' personalities to North American sports so well even friends who don't care about baseball can appreciate this. He's talking about John Fisher, the notorious owner of the decision to move a baseball team out of Oakland to a very uncertain future.

The biggest accomplishment of John Fisher’s life was the moment of his birth, to the co-founders of The Gap. He went to Phillips Exeter and Princeton and Stanford, and then became president of a family investment company. He bought a piece of the Giants with family money, and he later bought the A’s alongside Lew Wolff. The next dime he earns that isn’t in some way related to his surname will be his first. Gaining sole ownership of the A’s in 2016, Fisher proceeded to run the team down in an effort to extort a publicly-funded mallpark and real-estate boondoggle from Oakland. Having only gotten commitments for $425 million in funding and $500 million in reimbursements to that end, Fisher worked out a deal for less than half of that in Nevada. Thank goodness for rich parents.

The thing about great wealth is that it allows you to define your own life. The destitute, the poor, the great mass in the middle, even people of moderate or considerable success are all, to one degree or another, dependent upon others. I’ve made a nice little career, and the list people to whom I’m indebted runs deep into three figures. I’ve been knocked around by industry trends and bad luck and outright malice. I have not had complete control, and I doubt very many of you reading this have, either.

The wealthy, though, the .01%, they can chart their path as they wish, their deep reserves serving as both a battering ram to success and a cushion against failure. With the sort of wealth people like Seidler and Fisher are born into, you can do anything you want with your life, and in doing so, you can determine how people regard you.

So the Twins' owners drastically cut the money they were willing to spend on players at the worst possible time. I can't put it better than the Twins Daily writer linked above:

The untouchable, disinterested owners of the team have set up everyone below them in the chain of command to fail, and as a result, watching even this quasi-playoff week of baseball isn't off to a fun start. In the world I want, the Pohlads would realize that this is all their fault and try hard to ameliorate the problem in the future. In the world we have, a lot of irrevocable damage is already done, and the mountainous beds of money on which that family luxuriates make them partially unaware of and wholly indifferent to the ways they're making the world worse--including this way.

And basically that same point was made at the end of the most recent episode of the Twins podcast I like, which I listened to over lunch. Today they were talking about how the team's disappointing performances the last four years out of five have led to clearing out much of the team (an MLB team's "active roster" is 25 players. The Twins were expected to trade 4-6 of theirs, which would be a lot. They traded ten). But the business/financial guys in the front office got promotions last year, and the manager stayed. The decision-makers are all still in place. The owners are in the process of trying to sell the team (which might be causing a lot of this chaos), but after a false start in the spring there's been practically no development in that since. Their grandfather bought the team for $40 million in the sixties; they won't sell it for less than $1.7 billion.

The Twins traded not just half their pitchers (which are half the team!) but notably also Carlos Correa, this leader of the team, symbol of the future I hoped for back in early 2023. That optimism admittedly hadn't worked out for him -- with injuries the last two years and just a weirdly terrible performance this year, especially for a shortstop who'd been considered elite (I think sometimes about how little we've heard about the quartet of elite shortstop free agents that year: him, Xander Bogaerts, Dansby Swanson and...who was the fourth one?? was it Trea Turner? well this helps illustrate my point).

It's not lost on me that they traded Correa back to the team he used to play for. Where he was notorious in being part of a cheating scheme in 2017 that still gets him booed in some places (I saw it happen in Seattle just the other week) but which none of the players really suffered meaningful consequences for and they're still in the books as winning that World Series (the photo on the Wikipedia page, of them in Trump's Oval Office, is just a whole bunch of people who did not get where they are by playing fair!).

I look back over the writing I've quoted here...

The wealthy, though, the .01%, they can chart their path as they wish, their deep reserves serving as both a battering ram to success and a cushion against failure.

...

In the world we have, a lot of irrevocable damage is already done, and the mountainous beds of money on which that family luxuriates make them partially unaware of and wholly indifferent to the ways they're making the world worse--including this way.

And I think about whether happy baseball teams are all alike -- good pitching good hitting good defense -- but each unhappy team is unhappy in its own way. Looking at what the Twins traded away, and what little they got back in return in these trades, it's looking like they're not expecting to compete next year either and the one after isn't looking great either.

The last time the Twins' future looked as bleak as it does now, I was like 12 and I didn't know about billionaires. Now I know who to be mad at. And as they cause wildfires in Canada rather than dent their oil and gas profits, kidnap and deport people, keep me from getting to my grandma's funeral or the State Fair or even just a game at Target Field, and otherwise advance fascism in the U.S. and around the world... now I know who to be mad at.

And I'm mad that I can't even have baseball as a little bit of escapism.

Trade deadline

Jul. 31st, 2025 11:54 pm
[personal profile] cosmolinguist

I AM HAVING TOO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT BASEBALL!

(And they are not good. I'm too tired to write more.)

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